Navigating love, faith, and self-worth

Today, I closed the door.

I don’t beg to be loved.

You used to make fun of me, saying I was heartless for not liking Titanic—for laughing at what most people consider the saddest part of the movie. But you never asked why. And I guess it wasn’t really laughter… more like a quiet snicker at the irony of it all.

Falling is easy.It always has been.

It started as a perfect night. I had planned it carefully—down to the detail that he wouldn’t be there. He had somewhere else to be, a party, so I knew I was safe. Safe to go out, to laugh, to exist without worrying about running into him.

He was the kind of man people wrote about without ever really knowing. Sexy in that effortless way, mysterious enough to make you fill in the blanks yourself. With him, love felt like something pulled straight out of storybooks—soft touches, lingering looks, words that wrapped around you just tightly enough to feel real.

The devil wears a blue plaid cut-off.Kissing like forbidden fruit, dripping with danger.He drags you into fire and sin,Makes you beg on your knees, praying to God for mercy.His hands are promises you shouldn’t trust,His words a poison that tastes like honey.He whispers lust and calls it love,Every look a chain, every touch a trap.

At first, it was rough but good. Messy, alive, full of sparks—but not right. We were young adults, figuring life out, trying to navigate love, responsibility, and suddenly parenthood all at once. We split, and what followed were years of bad co-parenting. Misunderstandings, fights, hurt feelings… it felt like every interaction carried the weight of what we’d lost, what we’d messed up, what we couldn’t fix.

He was magnetic. The kind of magnetic that makes your chest race and your head spin. I was barely out of myself, just stepping into the world, and he… he seemed larger than life. His smile, his laugh, the way he walked into a room and everyone noticed—it was intoxicating. I was caught, completely caught. I thought I had found forever.

I will never be sorry for the way I love.

I never claimed to walk on water.I never believed I was perfect.All I ever needed—what I kept asking for—was honesty. Just a reason. Just the truth.

He’s a banker. Total professional. Dressed to the nines—pressed shirts, not a hair out of place. Friendly, funny, kind. The whole package. Good job, owns his house, nice car… and cute.