Join me as I share my journey through dating in my late 30s—the lessons, the growth, and the faith that continues to guide my path.
This isn’t just a story about finding love; it’s about finding myself again. After nearly a decade of choosing to stay single, I’ve learned what self-love truly means, how to set and protect my boundaries, and what it takes to build meaningful, healthy connections after life’s unexpected challenges.
I’ll also open up about some of my most unique—and at times, quite terrifying—experiences with dating. The moments that tested me, the red flags I had to learn to recognize, and the situations that ultimately led me to step away and spend nearly a decade focusing on healing and growth. And how I took a leap of faith and ended up back in the dating world recently.
Fuck you for walking into my life when I had finally learned how to survive without needing anyone. I was at peace before you touched it. Maybe not perfectly healed, but I was rebuilding. And you saw that. You saw me trying, and still you came in carrying your wounds you never planned to fix.
It comes in waves.
Letters unsent…
You were ecstatic. I was terrified.You told everyone. I told no one.
Today, I closed the door.
I don’t beg to be loved.
You used to make fun of me, saying I was heartless for not liking Titanic—for laughing at what most people consider the saddest part of the movie. But you never asked why. And I guess it wasn’t really laughter… more like a quiet snicker at the irony of it all.
Falling is easy.It always has been.
It started as a perfect night. I had planned it carefully—down to the detail that he wouldn’t be there. He had somewhere else to be, a party, so I knew I was safe. Safe to go out, to laugh, to exist without worrying about running into him.
He was the kind of man people wrote about without ever really knowing. Sexy in that effortless way, mysterious enough to make you fill in the blanks yourself. With him, love felt like something pulled straight out of storybooks—soft touches, lingering looks, words that wrapped around you just tightly enough to feel real.
The devil wears a blue plaid cut-off.Kissing like forbidden fruit, dripping with danger.He drags you into fire and sin,Makes you beg on your knees, praying to God for mercy.His hands are promises you shouldn’t trust,His words a poison that tastes like honey.He whispers lust and calls it love,Every look a chain, every touch a trap.
At first, it was rough but good. Messy, alive, full of sparks—but not right. We were young adults, figuring life out, trying to navigate love, responsibility, and suddenly parenthood all at once. We split, and what followed were years of bad co-parenting. Misunderstandings, fights, hurt feelings… it felt like every interaction carried the weight of what we’d lost, what we’d messed up, what we couldn’t fix.
Navigating the dating world in your late 30s can be a unique experience. I've learned that it's perfectly okay to date, just as it's perfectly okay to be single and focus on yourself. My journey has taught me the importance of never compromising your values or integrity, and always remembering your worth. We're all on our own timelines, and it's okay to not be where everyone else is. Keep loving yourself, always.
Relationships come with their own set of challenges, and I've certainly faced my share. There were times I lost myself trying to make someone else happy, compromising my values and integrity to keep a relationship afloat. The biggest lesson? Forgetting to rely on my faith and trust God. If you're going through similar situations, remember that your self-worth is non-negotiable. Don't be afraid to put yourself first and lean on your spiritual foundation.
My faith plays a crucial role in my approach to dating and relationships. It’s not just about finding a partner, but about finding a God-fearing and loving man who shares my values. My ultimate goal is to build a relationship where both my partner and I can grow in our faith together. For me, a meaningful connection is deeply rooted in shared spiritual beliefs and a mutual commitment to God.
Mama with Scars and Scripture
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