Preservation

You came back. It was everything I had hoped and prayed for over the past few months.

But you weren't the same man I had fallen in love with.

The confidence, the strength, the certainty you once carried—they were gone. You were different.
As much as my heart longed for our family to be whole again, I had to tell you no.

I couldn't be the afterthought you wanted me to be. I couldn't settle for the occasional text or the occasional date.
We once shared a love so deep that we knew each other's darkest secrets, yet now you only wanted to keep me at arm's length. The intimacy we once had was something you no longer wanted to give.

Every now and then, you'd let your guard down. I'd catch a glimpse of the man I loved—the one who still cared, who still wanted to love me the way he once did. But just as quickly, you'd pull away again, taking my hope with you.

The woman I'm becoming isn't capable of accepting that kind of love anymore.

She won't wait at the beck and call of someone who's still lost.

She's fought too hard, healed too much, and survived too many heartbreaks to settle for anything less than being chosen.

She deserves to be a priority, not an option.

It broke my heart all over again when I had to say, "Right now, I can only be your friend."

For a moment, it felt like I had betrayed our love and our family all over again. Like I had let us down.

But the truth is, I didn't let myself down.

For the first time, I chose me.

As much as I still love you, and as deeply as I still wish we could have the life we dreamed of, you aren't ready to let go of the boy you've been and become the man I know you're capable of being.

And until that day comes, I have to keep choosing the woman I'm becoming.