Episode Two… this one will be short. Like my last date.
I had been talking to a guy I met online. We hadn’t shared much personal information yet since it was still new. Honestly, I wasn’t very interested—especially after he casually mentioned his criminal record… which, by the way, was current. Not “in the past and I’ve grown,” but actively happening. He was on house arrest. In the Twin Cities. Cool.
I was already planning how to politely say, “Hey, not interested,” but I had to get to work and figured I’d tell him later that night.
Then suddenly… HE SHOWS UP AT MY WORK.
My work. A place I never told him about.
Turns out, he went full detective mode. My Facebook was private, but he remembered a coworker’s name I had mentioned early on. He found her page, saw where she worked… and connected the dots.
And then just… showed up.
So I’m standing there like, “Why are you here? And also—how are you here if you’re on house arrest and can’t drive?”
This man tells me he stole his mom’s car and cut off his ankle monitor.
DUUUUDE!
At that point, I had one thought: I’m cute, but I am not that cute.
Boy, bye.
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